It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
