So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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