My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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