Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize