Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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