The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Is it because I queefed?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
