Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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