My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Randomize
