tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
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Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
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I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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