I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
