dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
