I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize