Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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