I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
