I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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