So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
