mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
