Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
