i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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