i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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