Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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