I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
