i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
