There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
