so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
