I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
