Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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