We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
pop tarts are not kleenex
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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