do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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