yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
