What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
