awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize