Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
