You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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