So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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