just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
