I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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