I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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