i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
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Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
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We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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