I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
