Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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