I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize