I puked a lego.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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