just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
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Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
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I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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