i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
