I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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