why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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