her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
