i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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