we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
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