Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
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I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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