he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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