I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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