Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
