I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
