I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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