you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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