Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
