I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
