She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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