So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
