you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
