Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
