Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Sorry about my life...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
