I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
