bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
