forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
