So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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