I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
