I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How does it feel to date your dad?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
