Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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