I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
well you can't waste a boner
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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