She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
