you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
