pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
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halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
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Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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