Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
