I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
