you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Houston, we have a squirter
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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