I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
