and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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