I'm lost and stupid without you.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
