i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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