I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize