I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
