i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
