were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
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We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
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she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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