I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
