I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
